The Narrative That Guides

I grew up with a specific narrative: your worth is dependent on your actions. Be a good daughter. Be a good Christian. Be a good friend. Be good in a way that we deem appropriate.

The words that people speak into your soul have a profound impact on who you are and who you will become, but what I find interesting is that people's souls respond in different ways to this impact.

Growing up in a hispanic household, you're help to a certain standard of beauty as a woman. The way you behave has a huge part to play in that beauty.

"Calladita te vez mas bonita." You look prettier when you sit there quietly. This is most often heard from the mouths of parents telling their kids to behave in a presentable way. For boys, it stops after a certain age. For girls, they grow hearing this to make sure that they know that men don't want a loud and opinionated wife. Your beauty is based on how calm you are. Only men can speak their minds openly.

My soul decided that this was BS. If I have something to say, I'm going to say it. The Lord gave me a brain and a voice and nothing is going to stop me from speaking my truth.

That was obviously not received very well. I have spent my whole life fighting against the words that my family and my heritage have deemed necessary for my survival. I conjured up self esteem as a response to people putting me down and I have found strength in the Lord to find my worth in things far greater that looking pretty for men.

To this day, I always get the classic "calladita te veras mas bonita" from most of my family around me. I started to respond to them by saying, "Calladita no puedo lograr nada y luego veremos quien te va mantener."

I won't achieve anything if I keep my mouth shut and then we'll see who will take care of you in your old age.