You Never Really Leave Her

How is she? Do you love her like I love her? Is she everything I told you she would be and so much more, now that I’m gone? Do you think she misses me as much as I miss her? Oh, I know she doesn’t. Don’t even ask. Are you treating her right? You better be treating her right.

But of course you are. There’s no doing wrong by her. She sucks you in and captivates you until you want to hand over your whole life, your whole self to her. She makes you breathe her air and it drugs you into never wanting to leave. She’s addicting like nothing in the world and you’re just so happy in her high. She is my greatest vice, will probably always be my greatest vice. The kind I’m never going to want to quit. Are you there yet?

I had to leave her, I just had to. She was too much for me, the feelings she inspired and the love I acquired were all too much for my body, my mind, my soul to handle. All of it, every second with her, was so much more than I ever dreamed I would ever be able to handle and I was right, I couldn’t handle it. She was everything I ever needed and wanted but she wasn’t mine to keep. That much was very clear from the beginning and I dove right in anyway because she made me and I loved it all the way down. But she doesn’t belong to anyone, not even me and not even you. It’s best you know that from the start.

She calls me back every day. From the moment the sun comes up and most nights even in my dreams, I feel her in my heart and I hear her in the wind. I taste her in her favorite beer. I can’t bring myself to stop drinking it, tasting her as often as I can. What can I get you? I’ll have one of her’s please. Nothing else. Don’t bring me anything else. Please, just let me taste her and remember her and miss her until the last drop and then another. It goes down easy, but not as easy as the ones she handed me.

I hope you leave her feeling like I do. Oh, it hurts. It hurts so much. But it’s worth it. It’s worth every second of wishing you were back there with her, every moment you have to convince yourself you’re just fine without her because deep down, you now she’ll always invite you back. She’ll always hold you like the first time and the last time. She’ll always have a beer waiting for you and really, that’s why it’s so easy to leave her because you never really leave her. You go back to your life in the middle of not-where-she-is and you survive until you can’t stand not  seeing her. You always run back because as many times as you leave, she never really leaves you.