Wings

All I want is to run back, to keep trying to get back to where I was. Where I find myself now doesn’t compare, it’s just not enough anymore the way it used to feel like it almost might be. Sometimes it feels like I could learn to fly here, like the place that taught me how to walk could take me to the moon, but that’s just not all that true anymore. I found my wings in the arms of somewhere else and I had to leave it for this footpath I’ve always been on.

It’s not so bad, I suppose. The people are nice and the weather is lovely. Sometimes we run out of water, but we never run out of things to do and people to try to love. Nothing is sacred here and that’s alright because it makes you appreciate the things that are somewhere and everywhere else.

But in my heart of hearts, I miss the everything that felt sacred back with my wings. The streets that seem too small and the buildings that aren’t too tall, the neverending green that wouldn’t cause me pain if it were to swallow me whole. There’s just something about how similar and so different it all is and leaving it all behind ripped me apart from the inside. My current state of mind can’t put me back together again. It will never know how to make up for all that I left behind.

Maybe I’ll go back someday. Maybe I’ll go back and hate it because it was all an illusion I made up in my own mind, but I’d like the chance to figure that all out. I’d like to know for certain whether my wings are made of flesh that will last me until I die or wax that will melt when I try to fly too close to the sun on the days it finally decides to show up behind the clouds.

See you later doesn’t feel right. See you soon feels like a lie only because I’m not so sure what soon means. See you never is too painful in its probability. I’ll be seeing you feels better. Whether in this life or the next, I’ll see it all again. I’ll get my wings in heaven if not on earth and that has to be comfort enough for now. It’s all I have to keep me trying to run until I finally pick up enough speed to fly all the way back.