The Way You Look Tonight

My best friends got married exactly two days ago, as I write this. I am so incredibly happy for them and look forward to being part of their lives. That being said, nothing really prepares you for how you'll feel after the wedding. 

You feel happy for your friends, but sad that things could possibly change so drastically. When your friends are married and you're single, it feels like they're a part of a club that you're not allowed into. When your best friend gets married, you feel a little lonely. A lot lonely.

It's weird to think about all the emotions that you're feeling because you're supposed to feel happy for them, but I'm coming to realize that it's okay to be a little sad for yourself. It's okay to feel a little lonely. Your feelings are valid.

As a bridesmaid, I was standing up there looking at my best friends and I was elated that it was finally happening. If I'm being completely transparent, I was not all that excited about it until I was standing in four inch heels on a grassy slope watching them exchange vows and rings. In that moment, I knew it was right. I knew that it was love.

During the reception, I distracted myself. I hung out with my friends and I danced despite the pain in my feet. I reveled in the moment and in the day because what if it was never like this again? I cherished it because I was so scared.

All the stress and all the work that went into that wedding was a labor of my absolute love. Looking back, there were so many times where I was doing something that could have completely ruined the wedding if I hadn't done it right. The Lord provides talents and gifts when you need them the most.

One of my fellow bridesmaids said to me that this wedding was probably the coolest thing that she had ever done, and she has done some pretty amazing things. Looking back and reflecting on that, I can't help but agree. All the stress and tears aside, helping my friends get married was the coolest thing I had ever done.

And yet, I still feel lonely. I am still scared that my best friend, my person, could forget about me. But you know what? It doesn't even matter. I helped them start a life together, even if it was in such a small way, and that is something that I will never forget, even if they don't remember my name twenty years from now.

That bride looked absolutely beautiful walking down that aisle and that groom looked amazing holding back tears. The arbor they were standing under almost stole the show, but I made sure not to decorate it too beautifully.

My best friends are married now and all other feelings aside, I am so elated for them. To the bride and groom.