My Chaos in this Storm

It's hard not to be angry. It's hard not to want to rip off the heads of people who do not understand you. It's hard not to punch a Nazi in the face.

I'm having trouble getting out of bed in the morning because I am completely and utterly ashamed of where I live and the situations we find ourselves in. I wake up in the morning and I look at my phone and I want to cry on a daily basis. It's hard to pray for a place that is so evidently deserving of their situation.

If nothing else, I want to yell at the world to listen and to have compassion, but we're passed that. So if you know me and love me, read this and understand. If you don't know me, I hope you read this and try to understand. This is just one of many ways of feeling.

As a woman, I have always been told to live my life a certain way. Be a lady. Make yourself look attractive. Wear makeup to your interview. Male artists are just paid more and there's nothing you can do. These Mexican stereotypes are true and funny, so get over it. God gave you a uterus to reproduce. Having a husband is the hugest blessing God can give you. Don't you want someone to protect you?

Not letting Muslims into our country is for safety, not to be mean. We have to think of ourselves above all other people in the world. Homosexuals can't be Christians. They're sin is too great. We live in a "Christian nation," and all of our laws need to reflect that even though not everyone is a Christian and separation of church and state exists.

The fact that you marched for the immigrant, your Muslim brothers and sisters, the environment, women's social and economic equality, freedom of speech, black lives, freedom of the press, and the refugee is completely overshadowed by the fact that the women marching next to you were walking for abortion. Women should have voted. That crowd was just a bunch of angry women who didn't get their way. The men and children that were present don't matter and should be ignored. Real men don't support women's rights because their equality makes men less.

These are things that have been said, albeit less sarcastically. Please try and understand this:

I want to be as respected as male artists of the same caliber as me.
I want to protect the rights of the historically oppressed.
I want to speak out against the injustice that is our immigration policy.
I want to tear down the wall that is almost a reality.
I want to scream and the top of my lungs that my Muslim brothers and sisters don't deserve this treatment.
I want to point out the historical parallels and how easy it would have been to avoid all of this if you would only listen.
I want to stop this nonsense that global warming isn't real because our environment is in trouble.
I want to pull my hair out because people are drowning and people are dying because we are to selfish to take them in.
I want to read the Bible out loud to my fellow Christians and show them what Christ said about how our actions speak to our love.
I want to cry with the people that are hurting and the people who are scared.
I want to convince you that their feelings are real and that no one should say otherwise.
I want society to view me as just as valuable as a straight white man because it doesn't already.
​I want men to stand and support women without feeling like it hurts their masculinity.
I want people to stop dying because we are too selfish to pay a few extra tax dollars for health care.
I want people to stop telling me I'm ignorant because I'm young.
I want feminism to stop being a dirty word.

I'm sorry if this is offensive to you and I'm sorry if you can't/won't understand. This is how I feel and this is the reality that I face. What we lack in empathy and I'm just as guilty. Right now I'm angry and that's okay. We're all angry, but it's what we do with that anger that matters. I am fighting for myself, my family, my friends, and my neighbors. Fighting for someone's quality of life does not require me to agree with everything they believe in. Love does not require that.