I'm the type of person that has a small group of friends because I want to invest heavily in their lives. Acquaintances are good, but I want to rest easy in the fact that the people I call my friends are the people that I can depend on in any situation and I want them to feel the same about me.
Breaking up with a friend has always hurt more than breaking up with a boyfriend, in my opinion. I can tell myself that the guy wasn't worth my time and that I'll find someone better, but when I break up with a friend I always feel so broken because they were probably the one I ran to in those types of situations.
The worst thing that could possibly happen in my life was breaking up with a close friend, but recently (with the help of time and friends) I have come to the realization that sometimes it's just what you need.
Last year was the worst when it came to breaking up with friends. It seemed like every relationship that I had started the year with completely fell apart by the end of it. They were torn apart by different things: new significant others, living together, competition, and just plain growing apart. At this point in my life, I haven't had my heart broken in the typical sense of the word, but I have felt that it was black and blue after losing a friend.
Recently, I have felt God chiseling something in my brain that I have been ignoring for a long time. All he says is, "Don't look back." I constantly find myself looking at my broken relationships and wondering what I could've done differently and I put up a wall that makes it harder for me to invest in my current friends and harder for them to invest in me, as well.
The friends that I lost are in the past because they don't play a role in my future. I know that sounds like the most tired thing in the world, but it's accurate. While I had great fun with those people, the more I turn away from my past, the more I see that my future would've been completely different if they were in it. They would have held me back because we were doing different things in our lives and we became too irreconcilably different as people.
Not all friends are forever and that is totally okay because not all of them are supposed to be. They're only supposed to be there for a season, or whatever.